Just came home from the movie (we were bored). I'm a HUGE advocate of "the book is better" movement for just about any movie. It was classic Ron Howard. VERY plot driven and really not that into character development. I loved the book. Not for the plot or even really the ideas (which are so not original really) but for the point behind it all. This point seems to be overlooked on a daily basis by the religious right. The point is FAITH. It's the most prominent theme. Keeping faith. Belief based on no real fact or proof.

Now, I'm certainly not a huge christian (or even a christian at all really) but I think the themes in this story are important no matter your religion, race or historical background. I found it extremely amusing that there were young children lined up on the side of the road protesting and insisting that I boycott the movie. If they opened their minds and went to see the movie, or heaven forbid read the book, they would see (or maybe not, given the lockdown their minds are in) the true themes of this story are right in line with their own beliefs.

Aside from the controversy this has raised concerning the great priory of sion debacle of the 60s(??), there is a lot of good, solid history in there. Important history. History they don't teach you at bible school. A few weeks ago I watched some discovery thing on the DaVinci Code, basically an effort to prove it wrong. It made me laugh. It purports that Brown himself could not admit the flaws in his theory. Is it 100% accurate? No. Neither is the Bible. (both being works of fiction) It's an idea, and ideas are important. They are the root of our faith in a higher power, a greater good and, more importantly, each other.

Laura nudged me. I guess I need to update! :) Laura, you know you're the only one who reads this now that Jere is home! You can just IM me!

Anyway, the only thing I have to update on is the fact that I LOVE snowboarding. LOVE it. I am a snowboarder. Obsessed. And I bought gear tonight. A board, bindings and boots. Love them and got an unbelievable deal. No, really. And Jere got skis, so he's excited! :) I knew he'd love skiing. WOOHOO!

Current Mood: ecstatic

I have been festering and wallowing all day. It's what I do best. I finally figured out why I love New York so much. It's the only place on this miserable planet where I don't feel 100% alone or 100% discouraged.

Current Mood: contemplative

I was watching GMA this morning and they did a story about a group of religious zealots who are calling companies to get all "Happy Holidays" changed to "Merry Christmas". Normally, I wouldn't care. Then they put this fucktard on who announces that we are in a christian society blah blah blah. EXCUSE ME? Did I miss a memo...somewhere?

I openly admit that yes, Christmas is a Christian holiday. HOWEVER, it is not the only holiday that people celebrate in december, nor was it ALWAYS a christian holiday. In fact, if not for the pagans celebrating the solstice, we wouldn't even have christmas.

Who really cares if there is Happy Holidays stuff out there? Who cares what they fucking call the tree? I personally like holiday tree. I do not consider myself to be a christian. I still celebrate the "holidays". I still decorate a tree and put lights up. I don't do anything that is particularly christian. I just like the season! I will have my holiday on Dec. 8th thankyouverymuch.

Could this country get any worse?

I've crossed that line. Between reality and what lies inside the gray matter. I'm delving into the worst parts of my being and the deepest caverns of my soul. I suppose it's time. I need to be more careful of what I wish for. My world is magnified again. I won't make the same mistakes I made in the past so fear not. I'm in it for the long haul. There will be no "E" brake this time. No jumping off early.

The words are slippery between my fingers and my hands can't keep up with a pen. I find myself here. Laura, you're the only one who reads this damn thing so I consider it writing to myself. Don't feel you need to comment on the 5,000 posts I'll probably make in the next few days. Just ignore the rambling lunatic.

I feel pressure. Like an infection it throbs and aches until the only logical thing to do is to amputate. But how do you amputate thought? By writing. Singing. Making. My intention is to capture this. Not to hold it up for examination. But simply to have a reference. It will be my road map. The first time, I didn't have a map. I went blindly along the road with one headlight. Too fast. I panicked and pulled the razor. This time I want to follow it the whole way. No escaping. No amputation.

How can you differentiate between love and hate. I say I hate. I think I hate. Frustration and anger boil inside of me until I am consumed by the steam and am left gasping for air. But is it anger that boils? Or is it passion? I've heard it said that love and hate are not opposites. That they are, in fact, much the same. Maybe in truth, all opposites are. I can't tell anymore. Once you take a microscope to it, it loses all truth. It's a different perspective here. Not clearer, just bigger. Without one, there isn't another. The darker the night, the brighter the day. I hope this night is cold and hard and consumed in black. I've been living in gray.

"It's like I'm being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck being packed in with fertilizer and fuel oil pushed off a cliff by a suicidal mickey mouse."

Yeah. Exactly like that.

What's wrong with me? Why do I just not give a damn? I'm never happy. Ever. I'm so fucking sick of my life I could puke. Complacent, tired, and bored. I hate this. I hate feeling this way. Every second is torture. My issue isn't so much with myself. I like me how I am. It's with everything around me. The air, the sky, the sun, everything annoys me. Nothing is as it should be. Nothing is as it seems. When I feel like this I know I cannot possibly have children. I can't bring another human into a world that I myself despise and find fault with. I also can't bear the idea of being responsible for someone I might not even like, for 18 years. Why can't we be like other mammals and just let our young go on their way after a few months/years? Good god I'm ready to be reborn.

Haven't been here in a long time. I guess I haven't had anything to write. I should preface this by saying that I ran the Marine Corps Marathon on Last weekend. I'm still processing the experience.

I think that there is no better way to feel alive than to seek out life afirming experiences. That sounds simple and almost redundant. But most of us never do this. We stay in our comfort zone and never leave. I think one of the most interesting things about me is that I can't stand being comfortable. If I'm not feeling chasms being carved on my heart every second of every day, I'm not happy. I need to FEEL things. I feel like for the past 5 or 6 years I've almost felt nothing. Strange what a nervous breakdown will do. I'm sick of being numb. I want life to be amplified. Big. Loud. I don't think I can learn from life this way. I need more.

The marathon was addicting in this way. I've never felt more real. Now that it's over, I'm not sure I know who I am. I never truly believed in myself I guess. I feel strong and brazen. It's as if life is up for the taking and no one around me is going after it. How can I hesitate? If I can do this, I can do anything I put my mind to. The power of the human spirit is remarkable. We hold much more strength than we think.

Now I'm restless. Insomniatic. I think drinking last night was a bad idea. It's sets off a strange string of emotions. Too many memories. Don't get me wrong. I'm not down or sad. Just deeply in thought.


**I'm sure this is jumbled and full of typos, but I'm too restless to proofread properly.**

"She's a woman of principle and deep conviction," Mr. Bush said of Ms. Miers, his White House counsel. "She shares my philosophy that judges should strictly interpret the laws and the Constitution of the United States and not legislate from the bench."...

The president's remarks, at a news conference called just a day after he announced his selection of Ms. Miers, seemed timed to head off any groundswell of opposition from conservatives, some of whom have expressed keen disappointment that he did not pick a jurist in the mold of Justices Antonin Scalia or Clarence Thomas, as they believe Mr. Bush indicated he would during the 2000 campaign...

"I just can't tell you how important it is for us to guard executive privilege in order for there to be crisp decision-making in the White House," Mr. Bush said.

The Constitution does not specifically mention executive privilege, but the Supreme Court has recognized the need for confidentiality between high government officials and their advisers. The court has concluded, however, that executive privilege is not absolute.

So he wants someone who will stick to what the constitution says, and what the founders said directly. EXCEPT when it benefits him. Right. Oh and he NEVER discussed abortion rights with her. "To the best of his recollection". Whatever. Goodbye right to privacy, hello illegal RU-486. Birth Control? Well, daughter, let me tell you about a time when women had the right NOT to get pregnant...

This makes me so sad for our children.

Fuck you, Mr. President.

Current Mood: sad

The stones concert rocked. my. world. I'm still kind of on cloud nine. We had good seats, not great but good. I could see the stage and see Mick's face etc, but it wasn't front row or anything. THEN the freaking stage rolled out, to the end of our ROW!!!!!! The older people with us pushed us out toward the stage yelling "GO! This is a once in a lifetime!" Haha! Yeah, so I was no more than 20 yards from Mick and Keith. I almost died. My mom said I should have thrown my bra on stage. But I throw like a girl and it would have landed on someone's head. That's a waste of a good bra.

Anyway, it was a pretty exciting weekend. Now I'm sitting here just waiting for the Liz Phair release and the Fiona release so I can get 'em on itunes. My ipod is lonely. It needs new tunes. I just put a shitload of my stones stuff on this computer, but I'm thinking of starting clean with the ipod. The desktop has such a mixed up mess of mine and jere's music (his is all rap BLECH) and I want a safe haven from that for my ipod. The poor thing is all faded and scratched but I love it. I can't let it go. Even though the new nanos are tempting. STOP. NO. Save it for a reaaaaallly good camera....

P.S. if anyone knows anything about going to school for photography, or can put me in contact with someone who does, please do share. Thanks.

Guess who's going to the Stones concert tomorrow night!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah assholes, me. WAHOOO!!!!
Section C baby! (not quite front and center but DAMN close!) Oh yeah, and BECK is the special guest. WOOHOOO!!! Oh yeah, and it's 5 minutes from my house! Haha! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Current Mood: ecstatic

Did I mention I hate being sick? I've been MIA since Thursday night. SOOOO freaking sick! :( Like a little kid, I ran home to my mommy. And yes, she did make it all better. Thank god for mothers. (and for dads who like football)

FYI (for readers in the harrisburg area) I will be running a half marathon this Sunday and need support. Come on out if you can't make it to the "real" thing in October.

I was listening to NPR on the way home from work (don't laugh, it calms me down). Anyway, they interviewed a 12 year old displaced because of Katrina. They described the girl as a "wirey 12-year old with a wide smile and big eyes". The reporter asked her "what does New Orleans mean to you" and the girl responded with "My pride. My dignity." A 12 year old should not have to feel emotions that intense. It made me cry. Just wanted to share.

This is "cat". (the orange one is Cat, the black one is Tarantino) He is new! Be nice! He needs a name. I am taking suggestions!

''To the extent the federal government didn't fully do its job right, I take responsibility,'' Bush said.

So exactly where WAS the signpost up ahead welcoming me to the Twilight Zone?

What the fuck do I want to do with the rest of my life?

Current Mood: contemplative